i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
