I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
