Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am one with the molecules
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
