I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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