I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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