Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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