Non-Jews are for practice
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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