somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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