Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
