Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
