In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
ugly people sure do ruin things
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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