This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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