Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
