Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
