I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
