did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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