Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
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Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
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You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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