it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
