better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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