I faked an abortion last night.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
