i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
