do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
