i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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