Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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