Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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