peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
