Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
