i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
