I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
