whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
