my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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