SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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