HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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