I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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