You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
