Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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