Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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