I puked a lego.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize