And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
