why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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