So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
