I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i think im in europe. pls send help
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