Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
