i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
