i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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