I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
