im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
