If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
