Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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