hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
