know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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