You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
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Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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