I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
