Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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