I molested 6 butterflies tonight
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
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What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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