he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
