I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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