i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
