i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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