guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
