i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They took my balls.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
