party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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