Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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