You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
