i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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