my vag is so smooth its legendary
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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