Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
