rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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